All Kinds of Awkward

Happy Friday everyone! Enjoy your weekend!

*****

Despite my doomsday levels of pessimism, my Tax final didn't go as badly as expected, and I was more than ready to let loose for the weekend. I had one more final on Monday, and it was a pretty easy one, so I gave myself permission to take Friday and Saturday off from studying. 

Gavin and I had made plans to go to a new sushi place for dinner, and I was looking forward to wearing something other than yoga pants and hoodies. I spoiled myself with a much-needed brow and Brazilian wax, and splurged on a sheer, silky camisole that I didn't need, before heading home.

I took a long, luxurious shower, and emerged feeling more energized than I had in weeks. I took my time curling my hair, pinning half of it up, and letting the rest hang down my back, with a few tendrils framing my face. I put on a bit more makeup than usual, accentuating my eyes with a dramatic liner and a few extra coats of mascara. I slipped on my new camisole, my favorite pair of dark jeans, and some classic black heels. I poured myself a glass of wine and fired up Clueless on Netflix  while I waited for Gavin. 

Fifteen minutes later, I buzzed Gavin up. When he knocked, I opened the door and immediately pulled him in for a kiss. I took him by surprise, but after a second, he moaned into my mouth, deepening the kiss and pushing me back against the door. I slipped my hands into his coat and around his waist, running my fingers up his back and down under his waistband. He pulled me into him, and I felt him, already hard. 

He pulled back slightly and smiled down at me. "Well, hi," he said, huskily.

"Hi," I said back sweetly, looking up at him through my lashes.

"Not that I'm complaining, but to what do I owe that greeting?" he said.

"I'm just really happy to see you," I said, rolling my hips up against him. He closed his eyes briefly and dropped his head down to nuzzle my neck. He ran his hands up my back and down over my breasts, cupping them through the thin silk.

"You look fucking incredible," he said, rocking into me. He trailed his tongue up my neck, before covering my mouth with his. 

We made out languidly against the door for a few more minutes, before Gavin pulled back and groaned. "I am more than happy to stay here, devour you, and order a pizza, but if you want to make our reservation, we  better go."

I ran a hand down his chest, before reaching down and playfully grabbing his crotch. "I'll get my coat," I said, sliding out of his grasp.

He laughed, reaching down to adjust his pants. "Oh, you'll pay for that later," he said, in a mock-threatening voice.

The restaurant was very intimate, with low lighting and Japanese screens between the tables. The food was delicious, and Gavin and I destroyed two appetizers and four rolls between us. We were pecking at the last few pieces when Gavin asked, "So what are you up to tomorrow?"

I shrugged. "No plans. What do you feel like doing?"

He cocked his head to the side. "Don't you have a game tomorrow?"

I hesitated, taking a sip of my wine. Ainsley had texted me on Tuesday to ask whether or not I was coming, but I hadn't committed, telling her I was still busy studying. If I had felt less than eager to deal with Reid after our awkward run-in, I was even more reluctant to show up in the face of everything that had gone down with Rachel. I hadn't heard from her all week. I had opened up a message to send to her several times, but I always ended up just staring at the blinking cursor before giving up. If I couldn't even figure out what to say over text, how could I talk to her face to face?

I lifted one shoulder, and simply said, "There's a game, but I don't think I'm going to go."

Gavin frowned. "You missed last week's game too. This isn't like you." He reached over and covered the hand that was fidgeting with my chopsticks. "Is something going on?"

I heaved a deep sigh, before launching into the whole story of what had happened at Derek's birthday. Gavin grimaced when I got to the part about Teo's girlfriend. I glossed over Teo's justification of the breakup, not wanting Gavin to hear the echo of his own words in Teo's. When I reached the end, recounting Rachel's accusations, I was fighting back tears and Gavin was frowning sympathetically. 

"That's terrible, babe," he said, squeezing my hand. "I don't blame you for not wanting to see her."

I nodded, swallowing hard and trying to keep my tears in check. 

"I don't really know what to say. This kind of thing doesn't really happen between guys. But..." he trailed off, like he wasn't sure how I was going to take what he had to say. He took a deep breath and continued, "I don't think that you should let Rachel keep you from doing something that you love. You've had a stressful week, and you could probably use the physical outlet. Don't let her insecure bullshit get in the way of that."

I considered his words. "I know you're right, I just don't even want to deal with it."

 "The longer you leave it, the worse it's gonna get," he said gently, squeezing my hand again. Sensing that my tears were about to fall, he half-smiled and added teasingly, "And besides, when was the last time you backed down from a fight?"

I had to laugh at that, and smiling back at him, I replied, "Pretty much never."

Somehow, Gavin successfully recaptured our playful mood, and it wasn't long before I was running my foot up and down his leg under the table. He caught my foot in his hand and traced slow circles 

around my ankle, teasing me right back. 

"What do you say we get outta here and finish what we started at your place?" he murmured. 

"Mmhmmm," I nodded eagerly at him. 

The next morning, I woke up feeling more like myself. Gavin was right, since when did I cower from a confrontation? My pride and anger fuelled me through the whole morning, and I texted Ainsley to let her know that I'd be there.

I left early, wanting the advantage of arriving first. As I approached the complex, my bravado began to give way to butterflies. I was almost vibrating with nervousness by the time I reached the change room doors. Well, there's no point in turning back now, I thought grimly, and rolling my shoulders back, I pushed the door open.

Luckily, the only ones inside were Josh and Will, both of whom greeted me with warm enthusiasm. I plopped my stuff down and got changed quickly, chatting easily with the two guys. Ainsley, Jen, and several of the others soon arrived, and I began to relax as we all goofed around together. 

I was just tying up my cleats when Sarah pushed the door open. "Hey Allie!" she called out. "We missed you last week!" 

I smiled warmly at her, and braced myself before I looked behind her to Reid. He met my eyes briefly and nodded hello, before dropping his stuff across the change room.

My smile froze and indignation flared inside me. That's it? Are you fucking kidding me? 

I tried to join back into the conversation with Josh and Will, but the congenial mood had been shattered and my smile was brittle, my laugh hollow. I tensed further when Rachel entered the room, and after shooting me a cursory glance, went and sat down next to Reid and Sarah without so much as a hello.

My spine was rigid with anger and I had to force myself to unclench my fists. Luckily, the next person who waltzed in the door provided a welcome distraction. Jay strolled in, and upon seeing me, strolled over and plopped down right beside me. "Well hey, stranger," he said with that cocky half-

grin he wore so well.

"Hey yourself," I replied. And if I noticed Reid's frown or Rachel's icy look from across the room, I didn't let it show. "Long time no see."

"No kidding, Bailosaurus Rex," he said, nudging me with his elbow before casually stripping off his shirt. "I was here last week. Where were you?"

"Studying, unfortunately." I shot him a smile before leaning down to pack up my bag and zip it up. I stood, hanging my bag on the hook and said, "See you out there."

"You know it." He waggled his eyebrows and I giggled as I left the room. 

As we warmed up, Reid and Rachel both gave me a wide berth. It was almost impressive how they both managed to keep themselves as far from me as possible. I wondered how they were going to maintain the silent treatment once we were crammed side by side into the tiny bench. I sure as hell had no plans to hide myself in a corner. 

Jay strolled out casually just as Ainsley called us in for the lineup. I saw Reid shoot him a dirty look as he sidled up to me, but if Jay saw it, he didn't let on. Ainsley called out the forward lines before turning to us and saying, "So Reid and Allie, you guys will start and Rach and Jay will be second out."

Reid nodded in silent acknowledgement of her words, and suddenly I was so damn sick of the charade. "Actually," I interrupted Ainsley. "I have to pee. Why don't Rachel and Reid start, and I'll play on the second line with Jay?"

 I looked up and caught Reid's perplexed frown. I squared my shoulders and stared back calmly, my face impassive before turning to Rachel.

"You don't mind, do you, Rach?" I asked innocently.

She couldn't very well ignore a direct question and she stammered awkwardly, "Yeah, that's fine."

"Hell yeah! All the ladies want a piece," Jay joked. I smiled broadly back at him and headed back towards the change room, breezing right past Rachel and Reid without another word. Screw both of you, I thought bitterly.

I deliberately waited until I heard the whistle for the beginning of the game before returning to the bench. The half passed without incident. Jay and I played well together, if not as seamlessly as Reid and I usually did. On the bench, I joked around with everyone but Rachel and Reid, and both Josh and Jay provided more than enough distraction. After a while, I almost forgot the tension and enjoyed myself. Almost.

At half, Ainsley turned to our end of the bench and asked, "Do you guys want to mix up the lines or keep them the same?"

I answered before anyone else could. "Keep them the same, I think," I said. "Good chemistry out there right now."

"Absolutely," Jay agreed, holding his hand up for a high five. "Dream team!"

I saw a flicker of hurt play across Reid's face, and it gave me a small measure of grim satisfaction. His behaviour was pissing me off even more than Rachel's. Maybe it was because I felt like she was at least partly justified in her anger. There was a grain of truth in her accusations, and that was hard to swallow, but even if I thought she was being a far bigger bitch than necessary, at least I understood why. Reid, on the other hand, was the one who had stepped out of line at The Foxhole. What the hell did he have to be mad about?

My righteous anger carried me through to the end of the game, but I was more than ready to mic drop by the final whistle. After the handshake, I made a beeline for the dressing room. I finished changing while half of the team was still taking off their cleats. I grabbed my bag and stood up to go.

"Drinks upstairs?" Ainsley called out.

Everyone nodded in agreement, but I flashed her an apologetic smile and said, "Sorry! I've got plans with Gavin!" 

I strolled towards the door. As I opened it, I couldn't help myself; I glanced over my shoulder at the corner where Reid and Rachel were sitting. Rachel opened her mouth as if to say something, then flushed and dropped her gaze. But Reid's eyes met mine and held. His jaw was set and he looked at me almost defiantly, before finally turning away. 

I stalked out the door and to my car. My hands were shaking as I slid behind the wheel and I fumbled with my keys. 

I wasn't one to back down from a fight, and I sure as hell wasn't one to let someone see how bad they had hurt me. But I was hurt. And as I pulled out of the lot and drove home, I stopped fighting it. When there was no one left to see it, I finally gave in and let the tears roll down my face.