Hard Conversations...

Happy Saturday! I'm feeling much more myself this week and really had fun writing this one. I hope that comes through in the writing. This post ended up clocking in at over 2000 words, so I'm cutting it in half and posting twice today! The second half will be up later tonight! 

*****

I left Gavin's apartment by mid morning and dragged myself to my afternoon class. I might as well not even have gone. I was so emotionally drained that I felt like a zombie and couldn't focus at all. When class let out, I reached for my phone, and texted the person that I needed the most.

Can you come over? I really need to talk. 

Two hours later, Rhiannon was at my door with wine and cherry blasters - my go-to binge candy. She took one look at me and said, "What the hell is going on?"

We plopped onto the couch and I just let it all out. I told her about Gavin asking me to move in during our trip, the house hunting, finding the Winchester house, and finally the big blowout the night we'd submitted our bid. When I finished talking, I felt like a towel that'd been wrung dry.

For a minute or two, she sipped her wine pensively. I let her process the massive load of information I'd just unloaded. Then she said, "Well I'm just going to gloss over the fact that Gavin asked you to move in three MONTHS ago and you didn't tell me until now."

I winced.

"Honestly, Allie, I'm worried about you two. I know as well as anyone how hard it is to balance a relationship and a demanding career path. You still have years of working your ass off ahead of you, and Gavin needs  to be supportive. I think that goes without saying." Rhiannon paused before continuing, "What worries me more is that you haven't told anyone about the moving-in thing. Why have you kept it a secret?"

I shrugged. "I don't really know. At first, I was apprehensive about it, and didn't want anyone to make any comments that would make me second guess my decision. Then, when we weren't finding anything for so long, it just didn't really seem like it was even going to happen anymore..." I trailed off, before taking a deep breath and continuing, "And I think I was kind of relieved."

Rhiannon cocked her head to the side, "Relieved? So you don't want to move in with Gavin?"

I shook my head. "It's not that I don't want to move in with him. It's just that this year is basically the culmination of what I've been working towards since I started college. There's enough pressure and stress as it is. When he asked me, he said we wouldn't move right away, and yet we've been looking at listings since we got back." I felt the frustration that I'd been fighting to keep down mount. "I tried to balance both, and I was doing the best that I could. But when I needed some support, when I needed him to be understanding, he completely turned on me. I want to live with Gavin, but not if it's going to be a constant guilt trip about my career."

By the time I finished, there were tears in my eyes. Rhiannon moved over on the couch until I was leaning onto her, my head on her shoulder. She passed me the Cherry Blasters and we just devoured them silently for a few moments. Finally she said, "Allie, I'm here for you no matter what. I love Gavin, and I'm rooting for you guys, but I know how hard you've worked to become a lawyer. That can't take a back seat now."

I nodded.

"All of these things you said to me, you have to say to Gavin. You have to have the hard conversation, Allie. Trust me, if you keep dancing around it, it's gonna blow up in your face later."

I sighed. "Damn you and your good advice, Rhi."

She laughed, "Yeah well, if you wanted sunshine and rainbows, you would've texted Rach."

Rhiannon stayed until about midnight. After she left, I went straight to bed, but I tossed and turned for hours, sleeping fitfully  here and there. At 7:00 AM, I finally just gave up and got out of bed. I power cleaned the apartment, baked cookies, and worked on a paper for my Contract Law. No matter how much I kept myself moving, I couldn't outrun the thoughts circling in my head.

By the time 2:00 rolled around, I was more than ready to release my pent up aggression at my game.

I got to the complex early and shoved the change room door open, confident that I'd be the first one there. I stopped in my tracks and did a double take.

The room was empty except for a guy I'd literally never seen before in my life. He was shirtless, one arm and half of his chiselled chest covered in an intricate tattoo. His head was shaved and as he looked up at me, I could see his eyes were a piercingly bright shade of blue. He was undeniably hot, in that bad boy, not-my-type way that is in fact, every girl's type.

I took a step back towards the door, suddenly realizing that gawking at a stranger as he was changing might be construed as creepy. "Uh, sorry... I guess I'm in the wrong room," I muttered.

He grinned in a slightly cocky way, as if he knew I'd been checking him out. He made no move to put on a shirt. "Are you Ainsley?"

"No," I responded, now thoroughly confused. Obviously I was in the right spot, but who the hell was he? "I'm Allie."

"Oh, of course," he said knowingly, his smile deepening as he looked me up and down. "I should've guessed."

His cryptic comment didn't do much to clear things up. I raised my eyebrows, no longer embarrassed after his blatant once-over. "This is the part where you tell me who you are."

"I'm subbing for you guys today. My name's Jay. I'm Reid's buddy," he said, still with that maddeningly self-satisfied grin.

"Ohhhhh."

"So you've heard of me then?" he asked, with a waggle of his eyebrows. Somehow he managed to load every statement with innuendo.

"Yeah, you're the psychopath right?" I countered sweetly, dropping my bag on the bench.

To my surprise, he laughed out loud. "I see my reputation precedes me!"

Just then, Sarah and Reid came in. Sarah exclaimed, "Oh sorry Jay, we tried to beat you here so you wouldn't be on your own! Looks like you've met Allie already, though!" She and Reid plopped down beside Jay and began getting changed.

"Yes, and apparently you guys already have her thinking the worst of me. You guys don't even give a guy a chance," Jay joked.

Sarah laughed. "Please. We gave her the censored version!"

Reid tossed him an extra jersey and said pointedly, "You don't have a chance with Allie, anyway. She is very much unavailable." He emphasized the last three words.

Jay just laughed, holding his hands up in surrender. "I get it, I get it. Don't be such a mother hen, dude. I'll be a good boy." He looked over at me and winked in a super over-the-top cheesy way.

Reid turned to me, and said in a wry tone, "I apologize in advance for Jay. He can't help himself, he's an animal."

I couldn't help but laugh at their odd-couple dynamic. "Oh, I'm sure I can handle it."

As the others came in to get ready and the usual jokey pre-game mood took over, I felt a bit of my inner tension release. I looked over at Jay, who was shamelessly flirting with Rachel, much to Sarah's amusement and Reid's exasperation. With Jay in the mix, I could tell we were in for an interesting afternoon.