Finally

We we went for breakfast in town and THEY HAD WI-FI! Have a great Sunday, everybody! 

*****

I was still riding the endorphin high from my game when I texted Gavin to see when we could meet up. Now that I was in a better frame of mind, I was ready to take Rhiannon's advice. It was time to stop dancing around the issue and have the hard conversation.

We ended up making plans for Tuesday night, and since I was usually able to get home at a reasonable hour on those days, I offered to cook dinner.

Despite my strong resolve on the weekend, by Tuesday night I was strung tight with nervous tension again. I burned half of my first attempt at dinner, and by the time Gavin walked in, I was near tears, and frantically trying to both defrost some more meat and chop veggies for a salad. Not exactly the mood I'd been going for.

Gavin stood in the doorway for a second. He took in my frazzled appearance and the mess of burned/uncooked food on the counters. Then, he walked over and put his arms around me from behind, wisely taking the knife out of my hands. He rested his face in the crook of my neck and just held me for a minute. I closed my eyes and just leaned back into him, enjoying his solidity and strength.

I opened my eyes when I felt him shaking. I turned around to find Gavin trying and failing to hold back laughter at the disaster before him. "You are not seriously laughing right now!" I exclaimed in irritation.

"I'm sorry!" he wheezed between laughs.

"You jerk!" I cried, whacking him in the arm. "I tried so hard to make this nice dinner and it all fell to shit! It's not funny!"

Yet even as I said it, I caught a glimpse of myself in the microwave. My hair was frizzing out of its ponytail from the heat of the stove, my clothes were covered in food, and my makeup was running down my face. Despite my efforts to hold onto my irritation, I felt laughter bubble up inside of me.

"Oh God, what a mess," I said, finally giving into my laughter.

Gavin came over and dropped a kiss on my forehead. "You go take a shower and relax for a little bit. I'll see what I can salvage here."

"You don't have to - " I started, but he was already waving me away, picking up the knife to finish chopping the veggies. I hurried to the shower.

Half an hour later, I emerged. I had thrown on yoga pants and a tank top in lieu of the more sultry outfit I'd picked out for the night. I didn't have a stitch of makeup on, and my hair was damp and loose around my shoulders. I definitely didn't look like a million bucks, but I felt a million times better.

Gavin was plating up something that smelled amazing. He looked over his shoulder and called over to me. "The meat was beyond salvaging, so I threw together some veggie fajitas."

I came up behind him and slipped my arms around his waist, kissing the back of his neck lightly. "Thank you," I said, softly.

We carried our plates to the table and ate in silence for a few minutes. I was ravenous and it tasted amazing.

Finally, I worked up my nerve and said, "Gav, we need to talk about what happened last week."

He dropped his eyes and replied, "Yeah, I know."

Okay, obviously I was going to have to take the lead here. "Look, I understand why you were upset with me. Buying a house together is a milestone moment, and we should have been together to get the news. But - "

Gavin interrupted, "It's not just about that, Allie."

I waited for him to continue. When he did, his words tumbled out in a rush. "It's about the fact that your life is a huge balancing act, and the part that you make the least of an effort to balance is our relationship. We barely ever see each other! And it would be one thing if I was just taking a back seat to your school and career. I get that. But you make time for your friends and your soccer team, and just expect me to be happy to take whatever little scraps of time you have left over. I just feel like I'm your last priority and it sucks."

I felt tears rise behind my eyes. Guilt hit me hard in the chest. Gavin reached over and laid a hand on my arm. "I'm not trying to make you feel bad, babe. I guess I just freaked out because buying a house makes everything seem really serious, and I don't want to sign on to a lifetime of being in the backseat. I don't expect you to be a 1950s housewife taking care of the house and getting dinner on the table while I'm at work, but I'm not going to be one either. I can't have my entire life just revolve around yours."

The tears began to fall and run down my cheeks. "I'm sorry," I whispered. "I really hate that I made you feel like that."

He tilted my head up and looked me in the eyes. "I'm sorry, too. I was a total dick about it," he half-smiled ruefully.

I laughed. "Yeah, you were. But I get it. I don't want you to feel like my last priority. I'll try to make more time for us." I took a deep breath in, calming my shaky voice so I wouldn't wimp out instead of saying what I needed to say. "The thing is though, Gavin, I've been working towards being a lawyer for years. And I still have years of ass-kissing and bending over backwards ahead of me so I can establish myself. I need you to be more understanding about that. I can't sign on for a lifetime of guilt trips about my career."

This time it was Gavin who dropped his head and nodded. "I know. I've seen how hard you've worked and I'm so proud of you. I guess I just get frustrated sometimes."

"Oh God, me too. I definitely look forward to the day when school and work don't own my life. I would much rather be hanging out with you than studying, trust me."

Gavin teased, "Julian annoying the ever living fuck out of you already?" He knew better than anyone how much I wanted to slap Julian in a the mouth, after hearing many, many bitch sessions to that effect.

I rolled my eyes. "You don't even know. He is truly the worst. Smug bastard."

I launched into a story about how Julian had managed to drive me up the wall simply by the very nature of his existence, and before long, Gavin and I were laughing, the strain between us finally gone.

That night, we slowly stripped each others' clothes off, caressing each other tenderly. Gavin rocked into me gently, brushing soft kisses all over my face. Right before I came, he stilled over me, framing my face with his hands. "I love you," he murmured.

"I love you," I breathed, as he took us both over the edge.

Afterwards, we lay in the circle of each other's arms and blissfully drifted off to sleep. It felt like we'd finally recaptured that feeling we'd had in Greece. Finally, things just felt right again.