...The Foxhole

Here's part 2 of today's double post! Scroll down and read Part 1, if you haven't already. 

I hope you all have an amazing long weekend!

*****

Ainsley was literally bouncing in the driver's seat, Justin Timberlake's Justified album blasting.

"Warming up for karaoke?" I teased.

"I'm so amped, Allie! I have a really good feeling about tonight." Ainsley squealed as she peeled out of the loop in front of my building. She chattered non-stop about Josh the whole ride there. I'd given up long ago on pointing out his obvious flaws; there was no dissuading her from pursuing this crush. Instead, I just sat back and tried to catch some of her infectious enthusiasm.

Within ten minutes, we were pulling into the lot at The Foxhole. As usual, the bar smelled like stale cigarette smoke and looked like it could use a good scrub down. We wound around the tables, the occupants of which varied from a group of frat bros who looked to be kicking off a pub crawl, to middle aged men with their eyes fixed on the hockey game, to the ever-present sketchy VLT lurkers.

Our group was seated at a long table in the back corner, and by the looks of all the empty glasses in front of them, and Josh, who was literally swaying, they had been there awhile. "Double A!" Josh shouted as we approached.

Jen winced and rolled her eyes at us. "Is there a way to mute that?"

"I'm afraid not," I laughed.

"Allie, I already signed us up, so you better start drinking. You got some catching up to do!" Josh and I had a long-standing tradition of drunkenly shout-singing "Quit Playin' Games" at team get togethers.

"In that case, let me grab a drink." I pushed my way to the bar, Ainsley in tow. She ordered us tequila shots, and I followed up with a vodka soda.

Half an hour later, with my edges feeling pleasantly blurred, Josh and I took the "stage." (I use that term very loosely.) We belted BSB like only two drunk 90's kids can, complete with the slow emotional arm pull-down. You all know what I'm talking about.

We returned to our adoring fans. As I crashed down into the closest chair, I somehow ended up next to Reid. "Were we everything you dreamed we'd be?" I asked.

Reid gave me just a small smirk in return.

"Whaaaaaat?" I whined. Ah, I'm charming when I drink.

"Josh is so into you," Reid said, shaking his head.

I laughed, spraying the last mouthful of my drink on the table. "You're crazy. Josh and I have been friends for years. It's absolutely not like that. For either of us."

"I saw how he looked at you when you guys were singing. He's into you for sure."

I looked over at Josh, who was now serenading Ainsley and Sarah with an extremely off-key rendition of "Truly, Madly, Deeply." I shook my head and laughed before answering, "Riiiiiiight, Reid. He's soooo into me."

I went up to the bar, and just as I ordered myself another round of my future hangover, I felt hands slip around my waist. I reared back on reflex.

"Relax, babe, it's me." I leaned back into Gavin's chest and smiled up at him, inhaling his familiar fresh scent.

"My phone! I totally forgot to check it!"

"Yes, I can see why, drunky." He affectionately dropped a kiss on my forehead. "Have I missed the BSB performance?"

"Sadly, yes. But I could be persuaded to do an encore," I smiled winningly.

"Not sure your singing partner's gonna be up for that." I followed Gavin's gaze to where Josh was now leaning heavily on Ainsley's shoulder, his eyes half-closed. "Let's go say hi while Josh still has the capacity to commit it to memory."

Gavin's arrival was greeted with the uninhibited enthusiasm of the drunk. I introduced him to Sarah, who hugged him like he was a long lost brother, and Reid, who offered him one of those formal man-shakes. Guys are weird like that.

From that point on, the whole night was just a blur of laughing, singing and at one point, dancing around the creepy VLT guys as Jen and Sarah belted "Tiny Dancer."

I made it up to the bar to order a water (I'm not a complete idiot), when for the second time, I felt someone close behind me. This time though, I turned to find Reid standing there.

"Your wife is very talented!" I said.

"Oh God, I can only imagine what the car ride home is going to be like," Reid remarked wryly.

We stood there in companionable silence for a few moments before Reid spoke again. "Gavin's not at all what I was expecting."

I was puzzled. "Really? In what way?"

"I guess I just expected, I dunno, more." Reid mumbled as he shoved his hands in his pockets.

I started to feel a little uncomfortable. "I'm not sure what you mean."

"Well it's just..." he trailed off. He lifted his gaze back to mine and said, "You're a ten, in every way, so I expected you to be with a ten."

I looked back at Gavin. I knew a lot of couples that had the reacher/settler dynamic but as far as I was concerned, we were very well-matched. He was funny, smart, and creative. He had a good job that he loved. He was sweet, but not in a cheesy way. And of course, it didn't hurt that he had a nicely defined body that made me want to lick things off of him.

I shrugged off the weird remark as I turned back to Reid. "You're all over the place today with these weird notions. Time to ease up on the drinks!" I played it off jokingly.

"I'm not drunk. I'm driving," he replied, his eyes returning to the stage where the girls were bowing repeatedly as they were basically pushed off the stage. Ainsley was sitting in Josh's lap, laughing hysterically.

I didn't know how to respond. I had a strange feeling curdling in my stomach, something almost like fear. I hadn't ever felt this off-balance around Reid, not even the first time we met. I turned back to him as he started to say, "Look, I -"

Just then, Josh puked all over the floor.

"Out! Get him out!" Gavin was already leaning down to help Josh up as the very scary bouncer made his way over. I rushed over and supported Josh under his other shoulder.

"Ugh, seriously?" Jen rolled her eyes. "Grow up, Josh."

Gavin laughed under his breath and turned to me. "I guess we're babysitting him now."

"I'll get him home."

Reid stepped in and took Gavin's place. He looked at me, but I dropped my gaze and instead passed Josh over to Sarah.

"Thanks man. We'll take Ains. No way she's driving home tonight." Gavin clapped Reid on the shoulder.

As we said our goodbyes, I avoided Reid. I didn't know what he would've said if Josh's vomit geyser hadn't interrupted him. Or what I would've said, for that matter. The uneasy feeling was still lingering. Was I mad at Reid for what he'd said? Was I insulted on Gavin's behalf?

Was I flattered that he thought I was "a ten in every way"?

These questions chased themselves in circles in my head the whole way back to my apartment. It was only when I was slipping between the sheets, Tylenol on the bedside table and Gavin's warm, familiar body nestled behind me, that the feeling of unease finally faded into sleep.

Down...

There will be another double post today! Check back later for part 2!

*****

The next few weeks seemed to fly by. Gavin and I were in a honeymoon stage after our fight: spending most of our spare time together, being extra affectionate, ripping each other's clothes off... I'd been making an effort to carve out time for him and he'd been supportive and understanding of the times when I was busy or stressed. Things were good.  

It was a Saturday afternoon, and I was with the team drinking victory beers at the Ice Box after an early game when Josh proposed his idea. "Let's keep the celebration going! Let's go out tonight!"

"I'm in!" Ainsley chimed in. I barely restrained myself from laughing at her obvious eagerness. Ainsley had been nursing a huge lady boner for Josh for ages, poor girl. " Al, Rach, you down?"

"Not me," Rachel said, shaking her head. "Derrick and I have plans already."

I shrugged. I'd been looking forward to a night in. I had a paper to finish for Contract Law, and Gavin was supposed to come over after a concert he was going to with some of his friends. I didn't want to upset our current balance by ditching our plans to party with the team. "I dunno, guys, I might sit this one out."

Josh pouted dramatically. "Come oooooooonnnnn, Allie! Karaoke at The Foxhole, you can't say no to that!"

We all groaned. Rumour has it that The Foxhole had once been a nice enough pub, but if that's true, it must have been when I was still in diapers. Now it was a complete dive, mostly frequented by creepy, unwashed men addicted to VLTs. Yet, it was something of an institution in the city. There was a decrepit stage at the back that no band had performed on since the ball dropped on the year 1995, and they used it for karaoke on Saturday nights. Despite the fact that the bar was rundown and grungy, it drew a fair sized crowd every Saturday. 

"Somehow I think I can resist the dubious allure of The Foxhole." I laughed as I swigged the last of my beer. I got up to pay my bill at the bar, and Ainsley followed me. 

"Allie, you have to come, please. I really want to make something happen with Josh and I need my wingwoman!" she pleaded. 

"Ains, I don't think so. I really need to work on this paper and I have plans to meet up with Gavin later."

"Perfect! Invite Gavin to come! Pleeeeeease, I'll owe you and I'll never ask you for a favour again, pleeeeeeease!" Ainsley's begging was so over the top that I couldn't help but laugh. 

"Okay, I'll check with Gavin, but I'm only coming if he's cool with the change of plans..." Ainsley cheered and skipped back to the table. I shook my head and made my way back to the table, texting Gavin as I went.

The team is going out to The Foxhole later. Would you be down to meet up there? No pressure!

I got a response almost instantly. Sure thing, babe. Sounds like fun. I'll text you when I'm leaving the concert. 

"What can I say, Ainsley twisted my arm." I replied, rolling my eyes. "I just had to check in with Gavin, and he's going to meet up with us at The Foxhole."

"YES!" Josh cheered. "Now it's a party!"

"So we're finally going to meet the mystery boyfriend, huh?" Reid teased. "I was starting to think you'd made him up." I balled up a napkin and threw it at him like the mature adult that I am. 

"You guys will love Gavin, he's a great guy." Rachel said.

"I'm excited to meet him!" Sarah said.

"He's pretty awesome," I said, smiling and shrugging. I grabbed my bag and put on my coat. "Okay, I seriously have to go now. Some of us are trying to get a degree in something other than day drinking." They all booed as I hustled out. 

"I'll pick you up at 8:30!" Ainsley called after me.

*****

I tried to work on my paper for the rest of the afternoon, but by 6:30, I was slamming my MacBook closed in frustration. I just couldn't seem to focus. My attention kept wandering to the get together at The Foxhole. For some reason I couldn't quite put my finger on, I felt kind of nervous. 

I officially gave up on my paper, and moved  into my bedroom. I sifted through my closet, making a face as I pulled out outfit after outfit. Twenty minutes later, I was still standing there, only now I had a massive pile of rejected clothing at my feet. Sighing in frustration, I abandoned my search and hopped in the shower.

An hour and a half later, I approached my closet in a much better frame of my mind. I was freshly scrubbed, my legs were shaved, my dark brown hair was straight and glossy, falling halfway down my back. I'd kept my makeup to just eyeliner, mascara, blush and lip gloss, since we were going somewhere so low-brow. I reached for my go-to favourite jeans and a thin, slightly sheer black V-neck. I finished the outfit with a set of jade earrings and the matching necklace that nestled into the open neckline.

My phone buzzed just as I was pulling on my black, flat heeled boots. I grabbed my purse, jogged down the stairs to the lobby, and out the front door where Ainsley was idling in her Mazda. Here we go, I thought to myself.

Finally

We we went for breakfast in town and THEY HAD WI-FI! Have a great Sunday, everybody! 

*****

I was still riding the endorphin high from my game when I texted Gavin to see when we could meet up. Now that I was in a better frame of mind, I was ready to take Rhiannon's advice. It was time to stop dancing around the issue and have the hard conversation.

We ended up making plans for Tuesday night, and since I was usually able to get home at a reasonable hour on those days, I offered to cook dinner.

Despite my strong resolve on the weekend, by Tuesday night I was strung tight with nervous tension again. I burned half of my first attempt at dinner, and by the time Gavin walked in, I was near tears, and frantically trying to both defrost some more meat and chop veggies for a salad. Not exactly the mood I'd been going for.

Gavin stood in the doorway for a second. He took in my frazzled appearance and the mess of burned/uncooked food on the counters. Then, he walked over and put his arms around me from behind, wisely taking the knife out of my hands. He rested his face in the crook of my neck and just held me for a minute. I closed my eyes and just leaned back into him, enjoying his solidity and strength.

I opened my eyes when I felt him shaking. I turned around to find Gavin trying and failing to hold back laughter at the disaster before him. "You are not seriously laughing right now!" I exclaimed in irritation.

"I'm sorry!" he wheezed between laughs.

"You jerk!" I cried, whacking him in the arm. "I tried so hard to make this nice dinner and it all fell to shit! It's not funny!"

Yet even as I said it, I caught a glimpse of myself in the microwave. My hair was frizzing out of its ponytail from the heat of the stove, my clothes were covered in food, and my makeup was running down my face. Despite my efforts to hold onto my irritation, I felt laughter bubble up inside of me.

"Oh God, what a mess," I said, finally giving into my laughter.

Gavin came over and dropped a kiss on my forehead. "You go take a shower and relax for a little bit. I'll see what I can salvage here."

"You don't have to - " I started, but he was already waving me away, picking up the knife to finish chopping the veggies. I hurried to the shower.

Half an hour later, I emerged. I had thrown on yoga pants and a tank top in lieu of the more sultry outfit I'd picked out for the night. I didn't have a stitch of makeup on, and my hair was damp and loose around my shoulders. I definitely didn't look like a million bucks, but I felt a million times better.

Gavin was plating up something that smelled amazing. He looked over his shoulder and called over to me. "The meat was beyond salvaging, so I threw together some veggie fajitas."

I came up behind him and slipped my arms around his waist, kissing the back of his neck lightly. "Thank you," I said, softly.

We carried our plates to the table and ate in silence for a few minutes. I was ravenous and it tasted amazing.

Finally, I worked up my nerve and said, "Gav, we need to talk about what happened last week."

He dropped his eyes and replied, "Yeah, I know."

Okay, obviously I was going to have to take the lead here. "Look, I understand why you were upset with me. Buying a house together is a milestone moment, and we should have been together to get the news. But - "

Gavin interrupted, "It's not just about that, Allie."

I waited for him to continue. When he did, his words tumbled out in a rush. "It's about the fact that your life is a huge balancing act, and the part that you make the least of an effort to balance is our relationship. We barely ever see each other! And it would be one thing if I was just taking a back seat to your school and career. I get that. But you make time for your friends and your soccer team, and just expect me to be happy to take whatever little scraps of time you have left over. I just feel like I'm your last priority and it sucks."

I felt tears rise behind my eyes. Guilt hit me hard in the chest. Gavin reached over and laid a hand on my arm. "I'm not trying to make you feel bad, babe. I guess I just freaked out because buying a house makes everything seem really serious, and I don't want to sign on to a lifetime of being in the backseat. I don't expect you to be a 1950s housewife taking care of the house and getting dinner on the table while I'm at work, but I'm not going to be one either. I can't have my entire life just revolve around yours."

The tears began to fall and run down my cheeks. "I'm sorry," I whispered. "I really hate that I made you feel like that."

He tilted my head up and looked me in the eyes. "I'm sorry, too. I was a total dick about it," he half-smiled ruefully.

I laughed. "Yeah, you were. But I get it. I don't want you to feel like my last priority. I'll try to make more time for us." I took a deep breath in, calming my shaky voice so I wouldn't wimp out instead of saying what I needed to say. "The thing is though, Gavin, I've been working towards being a lawyer for years. And I still have years of ass-kissing and bending over backwards ahead of me so I can establish myself. I need you to be more understanding about that. I can't sign on for a lifetime of guilt trips about my career."

This time it was Gavin who dropped his head and nodded. "I know. I've seen how hard you've worked and I'm so proud of you. I guess I just get frustrated sometimes."

"Oh God, me too. I definitely look forward to the day when school and work don't own my life. I would much rather be hanging out with you than studying, trust me."

Gavin teased, "Julian annoying the ever living fuck out of you already?" He knew better than anyone how much I wanted to slap Julian in a the mouth, after hearing many, many bitch sessions to that effect.

I rolled my eyes. "You don't even know. He is truly the worst. Smug bastard."

I launched into a story about how Julian had managed to drive me up the wall simply by the very nature of his existence, and before long, Gavin and I were laughing, the strain between us finally gone.

That night, we slowly stripped each others' clothes off, caressing each other tenderly. Gavin rocked into me gently, brushing soft kisses all over my face. Right before I came, he stilled over me, framing my face with his hands. "I love you," he murmured.

"I love you," I breathed, as he took us both over the edge.

Afterwards, we lay in the circle of each other's arms and blissfully drifted off to sleep. It felt like we'd finally recaptured that feeling we'd had in Greece. Finally, things just felt right again.

The post will be a few hours late... Trying to post at the lake with pretty spotty service! See you all tonight!

... and Lite Beer

If you haven't read this morning's post yet, be sure to read that one first! Have a great weekend, everybody!

*****


After the game, which we lost terribly, the team headed upstairs for beers. I'm not sure if it was the physical outlet or the playful atmosphere during the game, but I finally started to shake off the blues that had been plaguing me. It was impossible not to laugh at Jay's outrageous flirting, dark humour, and foul-mouthed commentary. I felt lighter than I had in days.

The same couldn't be said for Reid, though, who had become increasingly sullen all game and now seemed to be  hellbent on sulking into his beer. Sarah would nudge him from time to time as if she was trying to snap him out of it, but all he would give in return was a wan twisting of the lips. It was the shoddiest imitation of a smile that I'd ever seen.

I couldn't believe how he was behaving. He was always quiet, but this was bordering on rude. After a while, he actually turned his body away from our conversation to watch the hockey game. At this, I caught Sarah's eye and gave her a questioning look, nodding towards Reid. She simply shrugged and shook her head as if to say, "Your guess is as good as mine."

When we both ended up at the bar to order  drinks later on, he didn't say a word to me and barely even acknowledged my existence. "What's up with you today?" I blurted out bluntly. I added, in a gentler tone, "I mean, you're being really quiet, even for you. Is everything okay?"

He sighed, with frustration or exasperation, I couldn't tell. "I'm just annoyed."

"Okaaaaaaaay," I replied. "Care to elaborate?"

He jutted his chin towards the table. "It just gets old after awhile."

I looked back over my shoulder. Ainsley, Rachel, Sarah, and the others were all laughing at some kind of story that Jay was telling. Judging by the wild gesticulating accompanying the story, it was either about riding a mechanical bull or trying to screw a large farm animal. "What gets old? Jokes? Laughter?" I looked back over my shoulder and added playfully, "Bestiality?"

He rolled his eyes. "Being best friends with Mr. Center of Attention."

My eyebrows shot up in surprise. "You're not... jealous of Jay are you?" I asked, tentatively.

"I'm not jealous," he said so emphatically that I could tell I'd hit a nerve. The bartender handed him his beer and he took a quick swig before continuing. "It's just that, ever since we were teenagers, girls fall all over him everywhere he goes. I could be chatting up a girl all night, then he would swoop in and the next thing I knew, she'd be going home with him. It gets fucking annoying being his sidekick. I swear to God, if I hear one more time about the irresistible combination of his tattoos and baby blues, I'm gonna puke!" He cut off his bitter diatribe and took a few  generous gulps of his beer. "It just gets really fucking old sometimes," he repeated.

I stood there silently for a moment, contemplating what he'd said. I could relate. Growing up, Rhiannon had always been the striking one. Awkward phase aside, I'd never been bad looking, but it wouldn't be an exaggeration to say I'd been in her shadow. Several of the guys I'd dated in high school had been her cast-offs, who'd only noticed me once Rhi rejected them. It had sucked to feel like I was always the second round pick.

I mulled this over before I ventured, "Okay, but isn't there a pretty obvious exception to everything you've just said?"

"What exception would that be?" he challenged. "All of you are hanging on his every word."

"Uh, your wife. She obviously didn't let him swoop in and steal her," I pointed out.

He lifted a shoulder as if to concede the point, but continued to stare sullenly into his beer.

"Look," I continued. "I used to feel that way all the time with my best friend too. Guys would fawn all over her and I felt invisible. And I hated it too. But then, I realized that attention was actually less of a blessing than a curse."

Reid raised a skeptical brow.

"I'm serious," I insisted. "Because all of those guys that were hitting on her weren't seeing beyond the surface. They weren't interested in anything beyond her face and her body, and they treated her like that's all she was. Sure, way less guys noticed me, but at least when they did, I knew they were interested in me as a person and not just as an object." I heard myself starting to sound suspiciously like the Danny Tanner monologue at the end of an episode of Full House, so I simply wrapped up with, "Quality over quantity, my friend."

"I guess," he said, unconvincingly.

I had given my best impression of a nurturing, gentle person, but my patience and empathy for this mopey insecure bullshit was quickly depleting in the face of this shameless pity party. I rolled my eyes and took the tough love approach, "Reid, you need to get over yourself."

His face went blank with surprise.

"You have a gorgeous wife who loves you. Take a poll, nobody feels bad for you." He blinked, and I saw a flicker of hurt play across his face. Feeling a pang of guilt, I softened my tone. "Look, all I'm saying is, sure, he's the kind of guy that girls go home with for a night. But you're the kind of guy a girl falls in love with and goes home to for the rest of her life. Isn't that a million times better?"

He looked past me to the table for a long moment. When his eyes met mine again, he was smiling sheepishly. "Yeah, I guess you're right."

"Well that goes without saying," I said in an exaggerated cocky tone.

Reid chuckled. "You are wise beyond your years, Miss Matheson."

I shrugged with false modesty. "What can I say? I'm an old soul." I laughed before teasing, "You done moping now? Are you ready to come back to the big kid table?"

He smirked and gave me a shove, before turning to go sit with the group. As we walked back over, he paused. "Allie?"

"Yeah?"

He smiled. It was a different smile than I'd ever seen before. It carried no hint of sarcasm or a joke. It was the kind of smile that's shared between good friends. "Thanks."

I grinned back and patted him on the shoulder. "Anytime."

Hard Conversations...

Happy Saturday! I'm feeling much more myself this week and really had fun writing this one. I hope that comes through in the writing. This post ended up clocking in at over 2000 words, so I'm cutting it in half and posting twice today! The second half will be up later tonight! 

*****

I left Gavin's apartment by mid morning and dragged myself to my afternoon class. I might as well not even have gone. I was so emotionally drained that I felt like a zombie and couldn't focus at all. When class let out, I reached for my phone, and texted the person that I needed the most.

Can you come over? I really need to talk. 

Two hours later, Rhiannon was at my door with wine and cherry blasters - my go-to binge candy. She took one look at me and said, "What the hell is going on?"

We plopped onto the couch and I just let it all out. I told her about Gavin asking me to move in during our trip, the house hunting, finding the Winchester house, and finally the big blowout the night we'd submitted our bid. When I finished talking, I felt like a towel that'd been wrung dry.

For a minute or two, she sipped her wine pensively. I let her process the massive load of information I'd just unloaded. Then she said, "Well I'm just going to gloss over the fact that Gavin asked you to move in three MONTHS ago and you didn't tell me until now."

I winced.

"Honestly, Allie, I'm worried about you two. I know as well as anyone how hard it is to balance a relationship and a demanding career path. You still have years of working your ass off ahead of you, and Gavin needs  to be supportive. I think that goes without saying." Rhiannon paused before continuing, "What worries me more is that you haven't told anyone about the moving-in thing. Why have you kept it a secret?"

I shrugged. "I don't really know. At first, I was apprehensive about it, and didn't want anyone to make any comments that would make me second guess my decision. Then, when we weren't finding anything for so long, it just didn't really seem like it was even going to happen anymore..." I trailed off, before taking a deep breath and continuing, "And I think I was kind of relieved."

Rhiannon cocked her head to the side, "Relieved? So you don't want to move in with Gavin?"

I shook my head. "It's not that I don't want to move in with him. It's just that this year is basically the culmination of what I've been working towards since I started college. There's enough pressure and stress as it is. When he asked me, he said we wouldn't move right away, and yet we've been looking at listings since we got back." I felt the frustration that I'd been fighting to keep down mount. "I tried to balance both, and I was doing the best that I could. But when I needed some support, when I needed him to be understanding, he completely turned on me. I want to live with Gavin, but not if it's going to be a constant guilt trip about my career."

By the time I finished, there were tears in my eyes. Rhiannon moved over on the couch until I was leaning onto her, my head on her shoulder. She passed me the Cherry Blasters and we just devoured them silently for a few moments. Finally she said, "Allie, I'm here for you no matter what. I love Gavin, and I'm rooting for you guys, but I know how hard you've worked to become a lawyer. That can't take a back seat now."

I nodded.

"All of these things you said to me, you have to say to Gavin. You have to have the hard conversation, Allie. Trust me, if you keep dancing around it, it's gonna blow up in your face later."

I sighed. "Damn you and your good advice, Rhi."

She laughed, "Yeah well, if you wanted sunshine and rainbows, you would've texted Rach."

Rhiannon stayed until about midnight. After she left, I went straight to bed, but I tossed and turned for hours, sleeping fitfully  here and there. At 7:00 AM, I finally just gave up and got out of bed. I power cleaned the apartment, baked cookies, and worked on a paper for my Contract Law. No matter how much I kept myself moving, I couldn't outrun the thoughts circling in my head.

By the time 2:00 rolled around, I was more than ready to release my pent up aggression at my game.

I got to the complex early and shoved the change room door open, confident that I'd be the first one there. I stopped in my tracks and did a double take.

The room was empty except for a guy I'd literally never seen before in my life. He was shirtless, one arm and half of his chiselled chest covered in an intricate tattoo. His head was shaved and as he looked up at me, I could see his eyes were a piercingly bright shade of blue. He was undeniably hot, in that bad boy, not-my-type way that is in fact, every girl's type.

I took a step back towards the door, suddenly realizing that gawking at a stranger as he was changing might be construed as creepy. "Uh, sorry... I guess I'm in the wrong room," I muttered.

He grinned in a slightly cocky way, as if he knew I'd been checking him out. He made no move to put on a shirt. "Are you Ainsley?"

"No," I responded, now thoroughly confused. Obviously I was in the right spot, but who the hell was he? "I'm Allie."

"Oh, of course," he said knowingly, his smile deepening as he looked me up and down. "I should've guessed."

His cryptic comment didn't do much to clear things up. I raised my eyebrows, no longer embarrassed after his blatant once-over. "This is the part where you tell me who you are."

"I'm subbing for you guys today. My name's Jay. I'm Reid's buddy," he said, still with that maddeningly self-satisfied grin.

"Ohhhhh."

"So you've heard of me then?" he asked, with a waggle of his eyebrows. Somehow he managed to load every statement with innuendo.

"Yeah, you're the psychopath right?" I countered sweetly, dropping my bag on the bench.

To my surprise, he laughed out loud. "I see my reputation precedes me!"

Just then, Sarah and Reid came in. Sarah exclaimed, "Oh sorry Jay, we tried to beat you here so you wouldn't be on your own! Looks like you've met Allie already, though!" She and Reid plopped down beside Jay and began getting changed.

"Yes, and apparently you guys already have her thinking the worst of me. You guys don't even give a guy a chance," Jay joked.

Sarah laughed. "Please. We gave her the censored version!"

Reid tossed him an extra jersey and said pointedly, "You don't have a chance with Allie, anyway. She is very much unavailable." He emphasized the last three words.

Jay just laughed, holding his hands up in surrender. "I get it, I get it. Don't be such a mother hen, dude. I'll be a good boy." He looked over at me and winked in a super over-the-top cheesy way.

Reid turned to me, and said in a wry tone, "I apologize in advance for Jay. He can't help himself, he's an animal."

I couldn't help but laugh at their odd-couple dynamic. "Oh, I'm sure I can handle it."

As the others came in to get ready and the usual jokey pre-game mood took over, I felt a bit of my inner tension release. I looked over at Jay, who was shamelessly flirting with Rachel, much to Sarah's amusement and Reid's exasperation. With Jay in the mix, I could tell we were in for an interesting afternoon.

Enough

Hey guys, sorry for going MIA on you. I had some pretty terrible stuff go down in my personal life and I've just been trying to put one foot in front of the other. I've been a reader on enough blogs to know how crappy it is when bloggers just disappear though, so I'm sorry for ghosting. If it happens again, I'll post an update. 

I'm already almost finished the next post, and I will try to get it up as a bonus this week. If not, it'll be next Saturday's post.

Thanks for reading, and sticking by me even when I suck!

*****

I read over Gavin's text again, its meaning finally sinking in. I felt tears begin to build behind my eyes. In that moment, it seemed utterly ridiculous that I was finding out about a major life development via a text message while prepping for a fake court case. I felt a sudden overwhelming urge to be with Gavin. I stood up, began gathering my stuff, and blurted, "I have to go!"

"Allie, what's wrong?" Bridget laid a hand in my arm, concern etched all over her face. Her tone made me realize how manic I looked to her and the others, whose expressions ranged from concerned to confused.

I took a deep breath and forced a smile, while continuing to ram all of my shit into my bag. I took advantage of the momentary shock to steal one of Julian's fancy pens. "Nothing's wrong. Something just came up and I really have to go." I slung my packed bag over my shoulder, and  headed for the door. "See you tomorrow!" I called over my shoulder.

"It's finally happened," I heard Julian say as I pulled the door closed behind me. "She's cracked."

I fought back my tears as I drove to Gavin's apartment. I let myself into the building, and headed upstairs, not bothering with the elevator. As I knocked on the door, I realized that I had no idea what I was walking into. Would Gavin be angry with me? Cold? I felt indecision flare inside of me, and for the first time since reading his text, I questioned whether I had made a mistake by showing up. I had no idea what I was walking into.

The door opened. Gavin stood in the doorway. For a moment we just stood there, looking at each other. He didn't look angry, or resentful, or even surprised to see me. It was almost as if he'd been expecting me to come.

I took a deep, shuddering breath, and opened my mouth as if to say something. But I couldn't get any words out. The distance between us felt so palpable, and that realization struck me like an ice pick to the sternum. My face crumpled, and finally, the tears that I'd been fighting began to fall.

Gavin reached over and drew me into his arms. I buried my face into his neck and sobbed. For a long time, we just stood there, holding each other in his doorway. When I finally lifted my face to look into his, I saw that his eyes were shining with tears too.

"Come on," he said softly. "Let's go to bed."

Wordlessly, I followed him into his bedroom. We stripped off our clothes, and slid between the sheets. I rested my head onto Gavin's chest, and he began rhythmically stroking my hair. The roller coaster emotions of the week caught up with me, and I finally gave in to exhaustion and slept.

*****

The next morning, I woke up with my limbs completely tangled up with Gavin's.
I gently extricated myself, got dressed, and slipped into the kitchen to make a pot of coffee. The time on the oven showed me I had no chance of making it to my first class, but I felt no sense of urgency. Frankly, I was just too drained to care. I rested my hip against the counter and listened to the coffee drip into the pot. When it was ready, I poured a cup and curled up on Gavin's couch.

I nursed the coffee slowly, as I contemplated the previous night. I wasn't entirely sure why I had broken down like that. I started to think that it was less related to my disappointment over the house, and more about the fact that no matter how thin I stretched myself, I always seemed to be coming up short somewhere.

The facts were, I had most of a school year left. One that was going to carry the additional stress of trying to procure a job after graduation. Not to mention that if I did get a job, the firm was basically going to own my life for at least the first few years.     If Gavin was already frustrated and resentful of how much of my time was being eaten away by law school, what hope in hell did we have of making it through the next few years? I heaved a deep sigh, closing my eyes, and dropping my head back against the couch cushion.

A little while later, Gavin made his way into the living room. I drank in the sight of him, dreamy and half-asleep: blonde hair sticking up on one side, his face scrunched up and sleepy. I felt a surge of tenderness towards him in his vulnerable state.

"Morning," he said with a yawn, plopping down beside me and lying his head in my lap.

I knew that we hadn't resolved anything the night before. I knew that we had some big questions and hard conversations ahead of us. But in that moment, much like the night before, all I wanted was to lay there and just be with Gavin. For now, the rest of it could wait. For now, this was enough.