Judgement Day

I woke up the next morning feeling slightly disoriented. I blinked a few times, taking in Rhiannon's sleeping body next to me, and the events of the night before slowly trickled back in. I closed my eyes, wanting to crawl in a hole and die.

I slid out from between the sheets and went out to my tiny kitchen, easing the bedroom door closed behind me so I wouldn't wake Rhi. Coffee was going to be a necessary step in processing this clusterfuck.

When it was ready, I grabbed a mug and curled up on my couch. I forced myself to rip the bandaid off and face every piece of the night baldly, no rose-coloured glasses. My stomach twisted when I thought about what Reid had told me about his mom, and by the time I got to our weird not-quite-but-almost-suggestion-of-a-kiss, I felt like I was going to throw up.

I almost kissed a married guy last night. 

I felt hot tears of shame well up in my eyes. I was a flirtatious person and always had been, but I'd never found myself in the kind of position I'd gotten into the night before. A heartbeat away from cheating.

But you didn't cheat! A small, comforting voice inside me insisted. Nothing ACTUALLY happened.

But it could've happened, I thought to myself grimly. And in that moment, I wanted it to happen.

Gavin and Sarah's faces popped into my head, and then I couldn't hold back the tears anymore. I heard my bedroom door open, and I swiped the tears away, turning my face in the opposite direction.

"Morning sunshine! There's coffee in the pot," I said, attempting to infuse some cheer into my voice.

"Thank God," Rhi groaned, shuffling over to pour herself a cup.

By the time she plopped down next to me on the couch, I was as close an approximation to normal as I was going to get.

Rhi tossed me her phone, and said, "Look what I woke up to this morning."

I unlocked her screen, and saw a string of messages from between midnight and 3 AM. All of them from Eric.

Hey, hope you're having a fun night!

Where did you and Allie end up going again?

Let me know if you need a ride later.

Hope you got home OK!

Seriously! Is he made of Saran-wrap? Because he's clingy as fuck!"

"I don't know if I'd say clingy," I reasoned. "I just think that he is hoping for things to go somewhere and is trying to nudge them in that direction."

Rhi groaned and flopped her head back against the couch. "I do not want a relationship right now. I just wanted a fun, harmless fling! I thought Eric was a safe bet! Now he's wrecking the whole thing!"

I laughed. "Poor Rhi, can't help but make even the biggest player fall in love."

She whacked me with a throw pillow. "Shut up!"

"Well as a wise woman once said to me," I went on in a teasing voice, "you have to have the hard conversation."

Rhi smirked at the irony. "What asshole sold you that bullshit sandwich? That is clearly terrible advice. Ghosting is obviously the only solution in this situation."

I snorted. "Definitely the most mature approach."

She rolled her eyes and said, "You know I'd never do that." She sighed before adding, "I guess it has to be dealt with. Can't avoid it forever."

Her words seemed to conjure up the events of the night before. The silence that followed in the wake of her words was heavy with tension.

I stared into my mug. After the night before, I owed a few people an apology, but Rhi was the only one I could actually make amends with. I took a deep breath, and said, "About last night..."

Rhi studied me warily over the rim of her mug, waiting for me to continue.

I grimaced. "You were right. I was being a complete idiot. I'm sorry for being such a bitch."

"I wasn't trying to be judgemental," Rhi said quietly. "I was just worried about you."

That made me feel even worse. "I know," I said softly.

"Maybe I overreacted," Rhiannon went on. "I just looked over and saw you guys, and all I could think about was Teo and that girl."

My face froze. Rhiannon hadn't so much as said Matteo's name since the morning after we'd seen him. I hadn't pushed it, trying to respect her processing time.

She exhaled deeply. "Having someone make promises to you, build a whole life with you, and then just betray you like that, just toss you aside for someone else... It hurts so bad, Allie. You're my best friend and I have your back no matter what, but..." she trailed off, before flicking her eyes up to mine. "I would hate it if you did to someone what Teo and that girl did to me."

I nodded dumbly, swallowing down the lump that rose in my throat. "I would never want to be that person," I said shakily. "I think that's why I got so defensive last night. I knew that I crossed a line."

"Well, you weren't the only one that crossed the line, Allie," Rhi said reproachfully. "He's just as much to blame, if not more. From where I was standing, he reached for you."

I shrugged, heat rising in my face. I couldn't allow myself to linger on thoughts of Reid's hands on me. Of the want in his eyes as they'd roved over my face. Those thoughts led to dangerous places.

I physically shook the images away and hardened my resolve. "I don't care about whose fault it was. I just have to make sure that it doesn't happen again."