Update

The next post is a two parter - one part will be up tonight or tomorrow morning, the next part will be up on Saturday.

Last weekend was my anniversary and my guy surprised me with a trip for our holidays... To PORTUGAL! (I'm spoiled, I know!) We are heading out for three weeks on July 25. I should have access to Wi-Fi, and I'm planning on pre-writing at least one post per week for those weeks. In the past, scheduling the posts hasn't always worked but I will do my best while I'm away to check and make sure the posts go up. If possible, I'll do more than one post per week, it'll just depend on how much I get done before I leave!

Anyways, back to writing! See you soon!

All Kinds of Awkward

Happy Friday everyone! Enjoy your weekend!

*****

Despite my doomsday levels of pessimism, my Tax final didn't go as badly as expected, and I was more than ready to let loose for the weekend. I had one more final on Monday, and it was a pretty easy one, so I gave myself permission to take Friday and Saturday off from studying. 

Gavin and I had made plans to go to a new sushi place for dinner, and I was looking forward to wearing something other than yoga pants and hoodies. I spoiled myself with a much-needed brow and Brazilian wax, and splurged on a sheer, silky camisole that I didn't need, before heading home.

I took a long, luxurious shower, and emerged feeling more energized than I had in weeks. I took my time curling my hair, pinning half of it up, and letting the rest hang down my back, with a few tendrils framing my face. I put on a bit more makeup than usual, accentuating my eyes with a dramatic liner and a few extra coats of mascara. I slipped on my new camisole, my favorite pair of dark jeans, and some classic black heels. I poured myself a glass of wine and fired up Clueless on Netflix  while I waited for Gavin. 

Fifteen minutes later, I buzzed Gavin up. When he knocked, I opened the door and immediately pulled him in for a kiss. I took him by surprise, but after a second, he moaned into my mouth, deepening the kiss and pushing me back against the door. I slipped my hands into his coat and around his waist, running my fingers up his back and down under his waistband. He pulled me into him, and I felt him, already hard. 

He pulled back slightly and smiled down at me. "Well, hi," he said, huskily.

"Hi," I said back sweetly, looking up at him through my lashes.

"Not that I'm complaining, but to what do I owe that greeting?" he said.

"I'm just really happy to see you," I said, rolling my hips up against him. He closed his eyes briefly and dropped his head down to nuzzle my neck. He ran his hands up my back and down over my breasts, cupping them through the thin silk.

"You look fucking incredible," he said, rocking into me. He trailed his tongue up my neck, before covering my mouth with his. 

We made out languidly against the door for a few more minutes, before Gavin pulled back and groaned. "I am more than happy to stay here, devour you, and order a pizza, but if you want to make our reservation, we  better go."

I ran a hand down his chest, before reaching down and playfully grabbing his crotch. "I'll get my coat," I said, sliding out of his grasp.

He laughed, reaching down to adjust his pants. "Oh, you'll pay for that later," he said, in a mock-threatening voice.

The restaurant was very intimate, with low lighting and Japanese screens between the tables. The food was delicious, and Gavin and I destroyed two appetizers and four rolls between us. We were pecking at the last few pieces when Gavin asked, "So what are you up to tomorrow?"

I shrugged. "No plans. What do you feel like doing?"

He cocked his head to the side. "Don't you have a game tomorrow?"

I hesitated, taking a sip of my wine. Ainsley had texted me on Tuesday to ask whether or not I was coming, but I hadn't committed, telling her I was still busy studying. If I had felt less than eager to deal with Reid after our awkward run-in, I was even more reluctant to show up in the face of everything that had gone down with Rachel. I hadn't heard from her all week. I had opened up a message to send to her several times, but I always ended up just staring at the blinking cursor before giving up. If I couldn't even figure out what to say over text, how could I talk to her face to face?

I lifted one shoulder, and simply said, "There's a game, but I don't think I'm going to go."

Gavin frowned. "You missed last week's game too. This isn't like you." He reached over and covered the hand that was fidgeting with my chopsticks. "Is something going on?"

I heaved a deep sigh, before launching into the whole story of what had happened at Derek's birthday. Gavin grimaced when I got to the part about Teo's girlfriend. I glossed over Teo's justification of the breakup, not wanting Gavin to hear the echo of his own words in Teo's. When I reached the end, recounting Rachel's accusations, I was fighting back tears and Gavin was frowning sympathetically. 

"That's terrible, babe," he said, squeezing my hand. "I don't blame you for not wanting to see her."

I nodded, swallowing hard and trying to keep my tears in check. 

"I don't really know what to say. This kind of thing doesn't really happen between guys. But..." he trailed off, like he wasn't sure how I was going to take what he had to say. He took a deep breath and continued, "I don't think that you should let Rachel keep you from doing something that you love. You've had a stressful week, and you could probably use the physical outlet. Don't let her insecure bullshit get in the way of that."

I considered his words. "I know you're right, I just don't even want to deal with it."

 "The longer you leave it, the worse it's gonna get," he said gently, squeezing my hand again. Sensing that my tears were about to fall, he half-smiled and added teasingly, "And besides, when was the last time you backed down from a fight?"

I had to laugh at that, and smiling back at him, I replied, "Pretty much never."

Somehow, Gavin successfully recaptured our playful mood, and it wasn't long before I was running my foot up and down his leg under the table. He caught my foot in his hand and traced slow circles 

around my ankle, teasing me right back. 

"What do you say we get outta here and finish what we started at your place?" he murmured. 

"Mmhmmm," I nodded eagerly at him. 

The next morning, I woke up feeling more like myself. Gavin was right, since when did I cower from a confrontation? My pride and anger fuelled me through the whole morning, and I texted Ainsley to let her know that I'd be there.

I left early, wanting the advantage of arriving first. As I approached the complex, my bravado began to give way to butterflies. I was almost vibrating with nervousness by the time I reached the change room doors. Well, there's no point in turning back now, I thought grimly, and rolling my shoulders back, I pushed the door open.

Luckily, the only ones inside were Josh and Will, both of whom greeted me with warm enthusiasm. I plopped my stuff down and got changed quickly, chatting easily with the two guys. Ainsley, Jen, and several of the others soon arrived, and I began to relax as we all goofed around together. 

I was just tying up my cleats when Sarah pushed the door open. "Hey Allie!" she called out. "We missed you last week!" 

I smiled warmly at her, and braced myself before I looked behind her to Reid. He met my eyes briefly and nodded hello, before dropping his stuff across the change room.

My smile froze and indignation flared inside me. That's it? Are you fucking kidding me? 

I tried to join back into the conversation with Josh and Will, but the congenial mood had been shattered and my smile was brittle, my laugh hollow. I tensed further when Rachel entered the room, and after shooting me a cursory glance, went and sat down next to Reid and Sarah without so much as a hello.

My spine was rigid with anger and I had to force myself to unclench my fists. Luckily, the next person who waltzed in the door provided a welcome distraction. Jay strolled in, and upon seeing me, strolled over and plopped down right beside me. "Well hey, stranger," he said with that cocky half-

grin he wore so well.

"Hey yourself," I replied. And if I noticed Reid's frown or Rachel's icy look from across the room, I didn't let it show. "Long time no see."

"No kidding, Bailosaurus Rex," he said, nudging me with his elbow before casually stripping off his shirt. "I was here last week. Where were you?"

"Studying, unfortunately." I shot him a smile before leaning down to pack up my bag and zip it up. I stood, hanging my bag on the hook and said, "See you out there."

"You know it." He waggled his eyebrows and I giggled as I left the room. 

As we warmed up, Reid and Rachel both gave me a wide berth. It was almost impressive how they both managed to keep themselves as far from me as possible. I wondered how they were going to maintain the silent treatment once we were crammed side by side into the tiny bench. I sure as hell had no plans to hide myself in a corner. 

Jay strolled out casually just as Ainsley called us in for the lineup. I saw Reid shoot him a dirty look as he sidled up to me, but if Jay saw it, he didn't let on. Ainsley called out the forward lines before turning to us and saying, "So Reid and Allie, you guys will start and Rach and Jay will be second out."

Reid nodded in silent acknowledgement of her words, and suddenly I was so damn sick of the charade. "Actually," I interrupted Ainsley. "I have to pee. Why don't Rachel and Reid start, and I'll play on the second line with Jay?"

 I looked up and caught Reid's perplexed frown. I squared my shoulders and stared back calmly, my face impassive before turning to Rachel.

"You don't mind, do you, Rach?" I asked innocently.

She couldn't very well ignore a direct question and she stammered awkwardly, "Yeah, that's fine."

"Hell yeah! All the ladies want a piece," Jay joked. I smiled broadly back at him and headed back towards the change room, breezing right past Rachel and Reid without another word. Screw both of you, I thought bitterly.

I deliberately waited until I heard the whistle for the beginning of the game before returning to the bench. The half passed without incident. Jay and I played well together, if not as seamlessly as Reid and I usually did. On the bench, I joked around with everyone but Rachel and Reid, and both Josh and Jay provided more than enough distraction. After a while, I almost forgot the tension and enjoyed myself. Almost.

At half, Ainsley turned to our end of the bench and asked, "Do you guys want to mix up the lines or keep them the same?"

I answered before anyone else could. "Keep them the same, I think," I said. "Good chemistry out there right now."

"Absolutely," Jay agreed, holding his hand up for a high five. "Dream team!"

I saw a flicker of hurt play across Reid's face, and it gave me a small measure of grim satisfaction. His behaviour was pissing me off even more than Rachel's. Maybe it was because I felt like she was at least partly justified in her anger. There was a grain of truth in her accusations, and that was hard to swallow, but even if I thought she was being a far bigger bitch than necessary, at least I understood why. Reid, on the other hand, was the one who had stepped out of line at The Foxhole. What the hell did he have to be mad about?

My righteous anger carried me through to the end of the game, but I was more than ready to mic drop by the final whistle. After the handshake, I made a beeline for the dressing room. I finished changing while half of the team was still taking off their cleats. I grabbed my bag and stood up to go.

"Drinks upstairs?" Ainsley called out.

Everyone nodded in agreement, but I flashed her an apologetic smile and said, "Sorry! I've got plans with Gavin!" 

I strolled towards the door. As I opened it, I couldn't help myself; I glanced over my shoulder at the corner where Reid and Rachel were sitting. Rachel opened her mouth as if to say something, then flushed and dropped her gaze. But Reid's eyes met mine and held. His jaw was set and he looked at me almost defiantly, before finally turning away. 

I stalked out the door and to my car. My hands were shaking as I slid behind the wheel and I fumbled with my keys. 

I wasn't one to back down from a fight, and I sure as hell wasn't one to let someone see how bad they had hurt me. But I was hurt. And as I pulled out of the lot and drove home, I stopped fighting it. When there was no one left to see it, I finally gave in and let the tears roll down my face.  

Pleasantly Surprised

I hope you all had an amazing Fourth! I took a few extra days off and am feeling nice and refreshed for my two-day work week. This post is a return to Allie's storyline, and the next one will be up sometime between tomorrow and Saturday night!

*****

I awoke the next morning to my phone buzzing loudly somewhere in the general vicinity of my left ear. I groaned and turned over, clawing around in my bedding to try and put both me and the phone out of our misery. My hand finally fell on it, and I swiped the screen without even looking, closing my eyes and falling back against the pillows. "Hello?" I rasped.

"Kill me," Rhiannon's voice groaned into my ear. I couldn't help but laugh.

"Before you say anything, I would like to take this opportunity to point out that I did try to get you to leave with me," I said.

"Shut up and kill me," she whined again.

I sighed. "What happened?"

"I fucking slept with Eric is what happened. With ERIC," she repeated, for emphasis.

I laughed again, then felt a pang of guilt as I remembered the look on Rachel's face the night before. I tried to be charitable. "He's not so bad. You could've done much worse."

Rhiannon snorted. "You hate him. You have called him the OG douchebag. Repeatedly."

 "I don't hate him," I said half-heartedly. I sighed deeply, rubbing a hand over my face. It was too early for this. "We only ever see him in a group, and I'm sure he's way different one on one. I mean, if you like him..."

Her incredulous laugh cut me off. "Like him?! What are you talking about? Do I have the wrong number? Who is this?"

"You're hilarious," I said dryly. So much for that. Guess nice just isn't my colour. "I take it that it wasn't a love connection then?"

"Definitely not," she said with disdain. "I was reeling over the whole Teo thing, and I just needed a distraction. Total rebound."

"Makes sense." I paused before venturing, "Speaking of Teo -"

Rhi cut me off sharply. "I don't want to talk about it." She exhaled deeply, and when she spoke again, her tone was softer. "Sorry Al, I'm just not ready to dive into that clusterfuck right now."

"All good, I get it." I said, and then changed the subject mischievously, "Sooooooooo, how was it?"

She laughed. "Well, from what I remember, it was good. Really good, actually. Although I was wasted, so we're kind of grading on a curve."

"Well that's something," I said. "Go Eric."

"Yeah," she said, laughing again. "I was pleasantly surprised. He didn't even try to sneak out while I was sleeping, or pull some other asshole maneuver this morning when we woke up. He was actually very cool about the whole thing. He even offered to make coffee before I tossed him out on his ass."

"Really? That's impressive." Rhiannon made a skeptical sound and I corrected myself, "Okay, not impressive, but good. Solid. I dunno, he doesn't completely suck, right?"

"Gee, how reassuring," she said sarcastically.

"I'm doing my best! I'm barely functional right now, work with me here," I protested jokingly.

"Oh God, I hear you. I feel like death." There was silence on the other end, and then Rhiannon took a deep breath. "There's one more thing," she said in a slightly embarrassed voice.

"What?" I asked, amused.

She exhaled deeply, before saying, "I may have agreed to go out with him on Friday."

I laughed out loud. "How the hell did that happen?"

"I dunno, we woke up and he was being all nice, and I was so embarrassed and awkward, and I really just wanted him to leave, and so when he asked if he could see me again, I said sure." She groaned. "I was under duress! It doesn't count!"

"Yeah well, I think it's a little late for take-backsies," I teased.

"You have made your amusement clear. Be helpful now, please!"

I smothered a laugh, and then sighed.

Rhi waited a beat before asking, "Are you judging me right now?"

I snorted. "Definitely not. Do you not remember Single Allie? I slept with a guy wearing a pirate costume once. And it was not Halloween. You do not even know the meaning of shame."

"Oh yeah, Pirate Guy," she said fondly. "I forgot about him."

"Well, Eric is no Pirate Guy," I said. "Actually, he's a pretty good catch."

"What is with you right now? Have you been drinking the Lisa Frank Kool-Aid? You're all rainbows and unicorns and it's weirding me the fuck out. Just give me your honest opinion."

I sighed, "Honestly Rhi, why not go out with him? Like you said, you're in rebound mode, and Eric, despite his other qualities, is hot and funny. I bet you'd have fun with him." She didn't say anything, so I continued. "Do whatever you want to do. But it's just one date. It's not like you have to marry the guy, right? And it might be nice to get back out there."

After a beat, she replied, "Yeah, I guess." She let out a surprised laugh. "Wow, I can't believe you, of all people, just talked me into going out with Eric."

The irony did not escape me. "Trust me," I said, wryly, "I find it hard to believe myself."

*****

Finals had arrived, and I was basically spending any free moments I had holed up in the library, studying. The fact that job interviews were right around the corner made this round of finals especially stressful. That stress, combined with the recent mindfucks in my life, made it hard to sleep, and the effects were starting to show. By mid-week, I was basically grumpy and exhausted all the time, and I was starting to resemble the Cryptkeeper.

Bridget and I were studying together in the library on Thursday afternoon. We each had our last final of the week the following morning. For the most part, I had taken my harder classes in second year, but Tax Law had been killing me all semester, and my brain was feeling like complete mush. The only thing keeping me going was the knowledge that a two day break was coming, and the fact that I'd been mainlining Starbucks since 8 AM.

I was re-reading an especially complex section of my notes for what felt like the hundredth time when someone slid into the empty seat next to me. The familiar scent of expensive cologne tickled my nose and I sighed, before turning to acknowledge Julian briefly.

"Hey Bridge, Alexandra," he said smoothly.

"Hey," Bridget replied, "All done your finals for the week?"

He leaned back in his chair. "I have Torts tomorrow, but it's a cake walk. I actually came to see if you guys wanted to take a break and grab a drink."

I blinked at him in scornful disbelief, before turning back to my notes.

"I take it you're gonna pass, then?" he said teasingly.

"Allie has her Tax final tomorrow," Bridge said in a sympathetic voice.

Julian laughed. "Oh God, how badly do you want to die right now?"

I turned to him and raised one eyebrow. "At this moment? Desperately."

"Well you guys should take a break," he announced, ignoring my jibe and slapping his hands on his legs. "Come have a drink, and then you'll be refreshed and ready to hit the books again."

Bridget tilted her head to the side and raised her brows like she was considering it. I let out a short laugh, shaking my head, and said, "Sorry, I actually have to do well on my exams. Mommy and Daddy can't just snap their fingers and get me whatever job I want."

If I had hoped to take Julian down a peg, I completely missed my mark. He simply laughed and patted me on the shoulder. "Don't worry, if this whole law school thing doesn't work out, you can always marry rich. I'll hook you up with a sugar daddy." He bent, giving me an assessing look. "Although, you may wanna clean yourself up a bit. You look like shit."

I knew he was joking (even Julian's not that big of an ass), but I just didn't have it in me to make a stinging comeback. I was way too exhausted for one of our verbal sparring matches. Plus, I knew he was right; I did look like shit, and I felt like shit, too. I simply sighed and looked back down at my notes.

I could feel Julian's eyes on me as he worked on Bridget, but I stared resolutely at my page, willing him to leave. Bridget wavered for a few more minutes before electing to stay with me and grind out a few more hours of studying. I sent a silent thank you up to the heavens when he finally gave up and slid out of the chair.

I felt a gentle tap on my shoulder, and when I ignored it, Julian tipped my chin up to look him in the face. To my surprise, he looked genuinely contrite. "Hey," he said in a low voice, "I was just kidding, Allie. I didn't mean to like, hurt your feelings."

I pulled my chin out of his grip, uncomfortable. After the last two years, I knew how to handle any shade of obnoxious that Julian threw my way, but this sincerity? I had no clue how to take it. "It's cool," I said, shrugging with a lightness I didn't feel. "I'm just tired, and not feeling especially witty. Don't worry, I'll burn you twice as hard next time to make up for it."

He laughed. "There's the girl who loves to hate me! I'll hold you to that. It's only fun when you fight back."

I rolled my eyes at him, and he grinned, before turning to go. As he walked away, he tossed over his shoulder, "Good luck on your exams, try-hards. Alexandra, I look forward to doing battle with you!"

We both laughed, and Bridget nudged me me with her shoulder. "See?" she said, brows raised. "He's not completely terrible."

I nodded, conceding the point. "Not completely," I agreed. I turned back to my notes, feeling slightly less disheartened. After all of the unexpected ugliness with Reid, Teo, and Rachel, it sure was nice to be pleasantly surprised.

Reid: It's Okay

Thank you guys so much for your patience! I was going to split this into two posts, but the words kept flowing and so I just went with it! Take this long one as a thank you for putting up with schedule changes and late posts! You're the best!

*****

If dating Jasmine had been a dream, then the early days with Sarah were heaven. I had never met anyone like her before. Despite the fact that she was two years older than I was, she was incredibly innocent; it was like her world had never been tainted with any ugliness. I was intoxicated by her sunny optimism and sweet naïveté. Being around her was like catching hold of the carefree childhood I never had. Whenever I was with her, I felt lighter, as if my family was a burden she could physically lift from my shoulders.

The more I got to know her, the more I wanted to be around her. I could lay with her on her narrow single bed for hours, listening to her talk about her microbiology classes, the research internship she was gunning for, her roommate's quirky housekeeping habits. I was fascinated by her. I couldn't believe that someone this pure, this sweet, this beautiful could exist... Or that she'd want to be with me.

Don't fuck it up, I told myself the very first time I saw Sarah. Those words became a constant refrain in my head. I was head over heels for Sarah, and I was determined that nothing was going to screw it up, especially not my shitty family situation. Luckily, Sarah was so ambitious and driven with school that we only saw each other twice a week, which made it really easy to keep up with Marley's activities and commitments. She also had a fairly spacious off-campus apartment that she shared with a roommate and we mostly hung out there. I had told her that my roommate situation was really sketchy, which it was... I just failed to mention that my roommates were my parents. My dirty little secret was going to stay buried as long as possible.

But of course, life just doesn't work that way.

About four months in, we were out for dinner one Saturday night when I got a call on my cell. I ignored it without even checking the caller ID. When it rang again and again, nonstop for several minutes, I excused myself and hustled to the lobby, eager to get rid of my persistent caller (most likely Jay harassing me to go get drunk) and get back to dinner with Sarah.

I pulled my phone out from my pocket and my stomach dropped. I had eight missed calls from Home.

I flipped my phone open and called back, my heart pounding out of my chest. It rang once and then was picked up, and I heard Marley's quavering voice ask, "Hello?"

"It's me Mar." My voice was low and soothing, completely at odds with my insides, which were in complete turmoil. "What's wrong?"

"It's Mom," she said tearfully.

I felt bile rise in my throat. "What's going on? What is she doing?"

"I don't know what hap-happened," Marley hiccuped, beginning to cry in earnest now. "I woke up and she was digging through all of this old stuff in the closet, and she said she was look-looking for a scrapbook. I tried to help her, and I acc-accidentally knocked over a vase, and it broke, and she just started screaming at me and calling me n-names and I don't know what to do -" The words that had been tumbling out came to an abrupt stop as Marley took a deep, shuddering breath.

"Where's Dad?" I asked. Listening closely, I could hear the muted sounds of screaming, a few muffled thumps and bangs. Medusa Mom.

"I don't know. He's not here." Her voice broke over the words and my heart broke with it. "I'm in my room. I'm scared, Reid. Can you please come home?"

I swallowed hard, my jaw clenched with fury. I shoved it down just long enough to squeeze the words out. "I'll be right there, Marsbar. Just stay in your room and lock the door, okay? It's gonna be okay. I'll be right there."

I hung up the phone and strode to the table as quickly as I could. Sarah looked up, and her face crumpled with concern at the look on my face. "Are you okay?" she asked.

I was already grabbing my jacket. "I'm so so sorry about this, but I have to go. There's an emergency and I have to leave right now."

She blinked. "What kind of emergency? Is somebody hurt?"

"I'm sorry, I really can't explain right now," I said pleadingly. You'refuckingitupyou'refuckingitupyou'refuckingitup played on repeat as I looked into her eyes and tossed some cash on the table. "This should cover dinner and a cab ride back to your place. I'm so so sorry, but I really have to go." I dropped a kiss on her mouth. "I'll call you tomorrow."

I didn't even look back as I wound around all of the tables, almost shoving people out of the way in my haste. Thankfully, the restaurant was fairly close to my house. If I hurry, I can get there within ten minutes, I told myself. She can't do too much damage in under ten minutes. But my stomach continued to twist and churn. I knew all too well that my mom was capable of tearing the house to pieces within seconds.

I was pulling open the car door when I felt a hand on my shoulder. I spun to face Sarah, her eyes wide with worry. "I'll come with you," she said. "I want to help."

I shook her off. "You can't."

Sarah fell back, wounded. She looked like a puppy that had just been kicked. I ran a hand over my face. My mind was torn in two directions. I knew I needed to salvage this situation, but I was ever conscious of the seconds ticking by and Marley, cowering in her room, terrified. "I just... It's just... I mean..." I stumbled over the words, before finally settling on, "I'm going into a very bad situation and I don't want you to have to see it."

She softened, stepping closer again, her hand back on my arm. "Please," she said softly, "I want to help."

My mind spiralled into panic. There was no way I could drop Sarah off first; her place was in the opposite direction. I knew bringing her with me was a sure fire way to fuck the whole thing up, but I was out of time and Marley needed me.

"Okay," I said, "Let's go."

The car ride was silent. My knuckles were white on the steering wheel as I pushed the speeding limit, weaving through traffic and hurtling down the suburban streets. Sarah didn't say a word, her eyes huge and fearful as she took in my crazy driving, my jaw rigid with tension, my eyes glistening with angry tears. I wanted to say something, anything, but I felt like there was a cement block in my throat.

The car screeched to a halt in front of my house nine minutes later. "Stay here," I said firmly to Sarah, before hopping out and sprinting up the driveway. I slammed the door open and right away took in my mom,  rocking back and forth in the middle of the living room, wearing a ratty old housecoat, half of her face covered in makeup that was running down her cheeks as she sobbed. I went over and hoisted her up by her armpits. She screamed and tried to fight me off, her fists pounding weakly at my chest. I wrapped my arms around hers, pinning them to her sides, until she finally gave in, her face sinking into my shoulder, her thin body wracking with sobs.

I lifted her up and carried her into her bedroom. She was as frail and delicate as a china doll, and I laid her gingerly on the bed, pulling the covers up gently like I'd seen my dad do a million times before. I sat on the edge of the bed, rubbing her back until her heaving sobs faded into occasional hiccups.

I crept out of the room, turning back to look at my mom as I closed the door. She was laying on her side, eyes glassy, staring off into nothingness.

I turned and walked down the short hallway to Marley's room. I knocked gently and called softly, "Mar, it's me."

The door was immediately thrown open and Marley launched herself into my arms, tears on her face. "I was so scared," she said, her voice muffled as she buried her head into my chest.

"I know, I know," I whispered back soothingly. "It's okay now, it's okay."

I gently pushed her back and looked into her face. "I need you to do something, okay?"

She nodded.

"I need you to pack up some clothes. Enough for a week, okay? That's seven of everything: shirts, pants, and underwear. Bring some of your favourite stuff too. Your teddy and some of your books. Okay?"

She nodded again. "But where are we going?"

"To grandma and grandpa's. I'll go get you a bag," I was already turning out of her bedroom, striding down the hall to the basement stairs. I went down and grabbed a duffel bag. As I came back up the stairs, I paused, taking in the wreckage in the hallway. I closed my eyes and leaned against the wall, my hands shaking. I took a few deep breaths, trying to push away the knowledge of what could have happened. Of what almost happened.

I rolled my shoulders back, wiping my face free of any stress as I came back into Marley's room. "Almost ready, Marsbar?" I asked, willing my voice not to shake.

"Yup!" She smiled weakly at me.

I tossed the bag onto her bed and started piling the clothes she'd picked out into it. It was half full when I heard the front door open and close. There were footsteps in the hallway and when they came to a stop, I turned and faced my dad. My whole body clenched with fury.

"What's going on?" he asked. "What happened?"

"What do you think happened?" I spat at him, my voice laced with contemptuous anger.

He leaned against the doorjamb and sighed. "Why are you packing?"

"Marley and I are going to Grandma and Grandpa's," I said shortly, turning back to finish tossing Marley's stuff in the bag. I zipped it up and faced him again.

"You can't make that decision, Reid," he started to say. I cut him off, turning to Marley.

"Go wait in my car, okay kiddo?" Her eyes flickered between me and my dad, before she nodded, scooting past him out the door. I listened for the sound of the front door closing, and then slung the bag over my shoulder and turned back to my dad. We faced each other like two lions about to fight to the death.

My dad finally broke the silence.

"You are not her parent, Reid. You do not get to pack her up and ship her off -" his voice rose in mounting anger.

I choked out a bitter laugh. "And who is the parent around here? You? Mom? That's a fucking joke."

He stepped towards me, his face reddening. "Don't you dare talk to me like that!"

"How could you leave her here alone with mom?" I hissed through my teeth. "What the fuck were you thinking? She was terrified, and she should have been! Anything could have happened! What is wrong with you?"

"Stop it!" he thundered.

"She doesn't deserve this. I'm taking her to Grandma and Grandpa's and I'll be back for the rest of her stuff tomorrow." I started to step around him, and he moved to block my path. Without even thinking, I pushed past, shoving him sideways. He flew into the wall, hitting a picture frame so hard that it fell to the ground and broke. For a moment we stared at each other, stunned. He looked at me, rubbing his shoulder. I realized suddenly that my mom wasn't the only one who had become old and frail.

"You can't just take her," he said, his voice hoarse.

My resolve hardened. "She is not going to live the way I did. I will do whatever I have to, to keep her safe."

He shook his head helplessly, and I felt pity and contempt mix together in my gut. "She needs a mother," he said, a pleading note creeping into his voice.

"Then why don't you go find her one," I said coldly. His shoulders crumpled, and his eyes dropped to the floor. I turned to walk out the door and froze. Sarah was standing on the other side of the screen door, her face shocked.

I wanted to puke. The thought of her witnessing any of this uglyness sickened me, but there was nothing that I could do about it now. It was all fucked now. I set my jaw and continued walking to the door. I stepped out beside Sarah and said as calmly as I could, "Let's go."

We climbed into the car. Nobody said a word as I backed out of the driveway. My headlights flashed across the house and lit upon my dad, standing in the doorway watching us go, his posture slumped, defeated.

"Isn't Dad coming with us?" Marley asked.

"Not this time, kiddo," I said.

"Oh," she said softly. I hated the look of grim understanding on her face. I wished I could erase the whole night from her memory. Anger rose inside me, and I wanted to beat the living hell out of my dad, and myself, for not being careful enough.

We were quiet again for a moment, before Marley turned to Sarah and asked innocently, "Who are you?"

Sarah laughed awkwardly. "I'm your brother's..." she trailed off uncomfortably. A few hours ago, she would've said "girlfriend" without hesitation. But it's not like I could blame her.

I let her off the hook. "This is my friend, Sarah. Sarah, this is my little sister, Marley."

"Nice to meet you," Marley said sweetly.

"You too," Sarah smiled weakly over her shoulder.

The awkwardness was so palpable that I wanted to scream. Instead, I turned to Sarah and said, "I just have to drop Marley off, and then I'll take you home." She nodded, and we lapsed into silence once more.

We pulled up in front of my grandparents' house and Marley hopped out, calling, "Bye!" over her shoulder to Sarah. I got out and walked up behind her to the doorway where my grandma was standing, as if she'd been waiting for us all along.

At my questioning look, she said, "Your dad called and told us you were coming."

I felt a sharp pang of something like guilt, but I shook it off and simply said, "I'll be right back. I just have to take care of something."

My grandma looked behind me to where Sarah was sitting in the car. She smiled sadly at me. "My little boy is all grown up," she said, patting my cheek before stepping back into the house.

As I drove Sarah back to her apartment, I tried to fight the fury rising inside of me. I looked at Sarah, who was resolutely staring out the window. I am never going to be happy, I thought to myself. I am never going to be free of this.

I finally pulled up outside of her place. She turned to face me, her eyes wet with tears. She opened her mouth to speak, but I interrupted her.

"You don't have to say anything. It's fine, I get it." I stared down at the steering wheel. I waited for her to get out, but she didn't. After a minute, I looked over at her. She was just looking at me with the saddest expression on her face. She moved to lay a hand on my shoulder, but I pulled back. I didn't want her pity. I didn't want to be a broken little boy for her to fix.

"Reid," she whispered, shaking her head. "Why didn't you tell me?"

I laughed, leaning my head back against the headrest. "There isn't ever a good time to bring up your colossally fucked up family in conversation. It's not exactly the stuff dreams are made of."

She laid her hand on my shoulder again. I tried to pull away but she held on firmly. "Reid," she said again, shakily, tears streaming freely down her face now.

"What?" I croaked.

She stared into my eyes, her gaze shining with sincerity. "I don't need a dream. I don't want a perfect fantasy. I want you. All of you. Even the colossally fucked up parts. Don't you get that?"

I shook my head. "You don't deserve to deal with this. I don't want to bring you into it."

I would have turned away, but she grabbed my chin and forced me to look at her. "Listen to me," she said, her voice growing stronger. "I am not going anywhere. Stop pushing me away and telling yourself it's for my own good. I can handle this."

"Oh yeah?" I shot back. "Then why are you crying right now?"

I expected her to pull back, to jump out of the car, to snap back at me. But instead, she cupped my face gently in her hands and said, "Because I love you. And it hurts me to see you hurt."

All of my bravado shattered at her soft words. My lip trembled, and I closed my eyes tightly to ward off the tears. But I couldn't hold them back. They pushed out of my eyes and ran down my face. Sarah's arms came around me, she ran her hands in soothing circles over my back.

I gave into it completely then, burying my face into her neck, my shoulders shuddering with sobs. She turned her head and kissed my tears, murmuring softly into my ear. For once, I wasn't the strong one. For once, I was the one falling apart. And for once, I wasn't the one saying, "It's okay."

Three's a Crowd

Rhiannon spun and started blindly pushing her way through the crowd. I shot Matteo one more glare, then quickly followed, a few paces behind. I caught up to Rhi halfway back to the booth, and latched on to her arm. She turned to meet me, her expression a war between hurt and rage.

"That lying son of a bitch!" she hissed. "He swore there was no one else."

"Rhi, it's been months," I said soothingly. "Maybe he was telling the truth."

She choked out a bitter laugh. "Even if I wanted to delude myself into believing that, I know it's not true. I've met that girl. Teo was a TA in a first year class and she was one of the students. She was in one of the extra study groups that he led. She would go to his office for "extra help" all the time. I can't believe I didn't see it before."

I felt my own anger rise on Rhiannon's behalf, but I pushed it aside. "Rhi, let's just go, okay?" I said softly. "Rachel will understand."

She shook her head emphatically. "No. He's already made a fool of me once. I'm not crawling out of here with my tail between my legs. If he's uncomfortable, he can be the one to go!"

I sighed. "I don't know, Rhi... I think we should just leave. I don't see how this is going to end well."

"I'm fine," she said through gritted teeth, rage clearly winning the battle now. Rhiannon had the softest heart, but when she was angry, she was a force of nature. There was no standing in her way. Her eyes focused on something over my shoulder and her face hardened further. "You want to help me, Allie? Keep him the fuck away from me."

I glanced backwards and saw Matteo making his way over to us. When I turned back to Rhiannon, she was already shouldering her way back to the booth.

I set my shoulders and stood firmly in Matteo's path as he approached me. He stopped in front of me and I stared into his face, my brows raised, my mouth pinched with contempt.

"Allie..." he started, before trailing off, his eyes dropping to the floor.

"Don't bother, Matteo," I spat the words at him, my voice sharp. He flinched.

"Come on, Allie," he said. "I just want to talk to her, to explain it... It's not what she thinks."

"Does it even matter?" I said. "What could you possibly say that would make things better?"

He swallowed hard, guilt etched into his face. "I didn't cheat on her."

"Honestly, Teo, it doesn't even matter." My voice was cold, disdainful. I had the knife in him, and I sure as hell wanted to twist it. "She loved you, she built her whole life around you, and you just shattered her and walked away. Whether you started fucking your freshmeat before or after the fact is irrelevant."

He set his jaw, and a steeliness came into his eyes. "She built her life around me? More like the other way around. Our whole relationship revolved around her career, her dream." His voice cracked with bitter emotion. "I'm not the kind of guy who can be content with spending his whole life in the passenger seat."

I felt sick to my stomach. His words echoed what Gavin had said during our huge blowout. I heard the barely suppressed rage mingle with the contempt in my voice as I shot back, "So she should have given up on her dream so you could feel like more of a man? How pathetic."

Matteo's face twisted and I could tell that I had hit the mark. He opened his mouth to respond, when his little Barbie appeared at his side, tugging at his arm. "Matty, let's just get out of here."

I raised a brow and laughed. "Yeah, Matty," I spat the whitewashed nickname at him. "I think you've done more than enough damage for one night."

He looked at me in silent fury for a second, and then turned without a word towards the door, his girlfriend trotting dutifully at his heels like a little puppy.

I let out a deep breath I hadn't even realized I'd been holding, some of the rigid tension leaking out of my shoulders. I turned and slowly made my way back to the booth, less than eager to resume the festivities.

I didn't even spot Rhiannon right away, and when I did, I heaved a sigh of frustration. She was nestled into a corner of one of the booths, Eric practically wrapped around her. He had one arm slung over her shoulders, his hand playing with her hair as he leaned in to whisper in her ear. His other hand was sitting dangerously high on her thigh. She was smiling flirtatiously into his face.

I debated what to do for a moment, and Rachel appeared at my side. Her eyes were on Rhiannon and Eric too, but her innocent, excited expression mirrored none of my concern.

"It really looks like they're hitting it off! I'm so happy Rhi is finally giving Eric a chance. He's been into her forever! And she's been a freaking nun since the breakup. I'm glad she's finally moving on!"

"Yeah, I wouldn't be so sure about that," I said wryly.

She frowned, confused. "What do you mean?"

"We just ran into Teo," I said. I almost laughed at the shock on Rachel's face. "And  he was with a tiny blonde teenager who he is apparently screwing."

She grimaced. She looked back over at Rhiannon and Eric, and tilted her head to the side contemplatively. "Well, maybe this is a good thing, then," she said, her voice hopeful. "Give Rhi a confidence boost."

"I'm more concerned about how she's going to feel in the morning," I said. "She's obviously not thinking clearly."

"Right," Rachel said sarcastically. "Because God forbid she'd be interested in one of Derek's friends. Eric couldn't possibly be good enough for her."

I raised my hands defensively. "Whoa! Why are you getting pissed with me? I'm just trying to look out for Rhi."

"Yeah, and you always know best, don't you?" Rachel shot back, her voice quivering with resentment now. Her words began to tumble out as her anger picked up speed. "Get off your high horse, Allie. You and Gavin and Rhiannon and Teo were just a perfect foursome, weren't you? Just way too mature and sophisticated for me and Derek. Well I hate to break it to you, Allie, but Teo is the one who broke Rhi's heart into a million pieces. Eric is a good catch. He's smart and has a good job. Rhi would be lucky to be with him. And you just don't want to admit it because you don't want to be the one on the outside for once."

With that, she turned and flounced back to the booth. I stood there in shock. Tears rose to my eyes as waves of anger, hurt, and shame rolled over me. I had never realized that Rachel felt excluded by me and  Rhiannon. I was naturally closer with Rhi, and I hung out with her more one-on-one, confided in her more. I never thought that Rachel even picked up on it, let alone felt hurt by it.

The effects of the turbulent events of the night hit me all at once and I suddenly felt like couldn't stay there a minute longer. I approached Rhi and tapped her on the shoulder. She looked over at me as if in a daze, "What's up?"

"I'm gonna head out," I said. "You coming?"

She hesitated, looking back at Eric. "Stay and hang out. I'll take you home," he said.

I'll bet you will, I thought spitefully. I waited for her answer.

"Yeah, I think I'm gonna stick around a while longer," she said casually.

I had a very strong feeling that she was going to regret this in the morning, but I knew Rachel was right about one thing. I couldn't make Rhi's decisions for her. She had to be free to make her own mistakes and I just had to be there to help her through the fallout, no judgment. God knows she'd done that for me enough times when I was single. "Okay, then. Text me so I know you get home safe,
okay?"

"Yeah, yeah," she said, turning away. "I'll be fine."

I said my goodbyes to everyone. Rachel refused to meet my eyes. I went out back and ordered an Uber, which luckily came within minutes.

By the time I slipped between my sheets, I was exhausted and had a dull pounding feeling behind my eyes. I tossed and turned, trying to get comfortable, flashes of the night playing on a loop inside my head. Rhiannon's tear-filled eyes. Teo's bitter words. Rachel's angry resentment.

Unbidden, Reid's face joined the jumble. I groaned, rubbing a hand over my face.

What a colossal fucking mess.